Alex. 17. Trans. Kansas is a shitty state, but I'm still stuck here. Currently attending Culinary School, with the hope of being a pastry chef. Holden Caulfield is the voice of my conscience.
I feel so incredibly down right now, and I have absolutely no one to talk to. No one.
naillingniall asked: Hey! Tomorrow we are going to have loads of fun, okay? Even if we're just gonna be inside all night eating food that will make us fat, we are going to have. fun. Ok? K.
Okay. We are going to have fun.
And it’s going to be fucking fun.
Got it!
I wonder if you ever think of me, or about what we had between us. Truth is, I can’t go a day without thinking about you. No matter what, something will trigger me to think of you, and I think about it all. It goes by in one single flash of a memory, but the feeling that comes along with it lingers. I hope you know the feeling I’m talking about. It’s not something I can explain, there are no words for it. It’s just there and it sucks and it makes me realize how much I miss you. Do you miss me? Probably not. If I ever cross your mind, what do you see? What do you think? I always have this influx of bad thoughts and good thoughts when I think of you, but no matter what, I always end with the good thoughts. I wish I knew how you feel about me, now that it’s all said and done. Do you regret it? Do you see it as a waste of time? Or do you look on it lovingly and wish you had it back? Do you ever think about texting me anymore? every now and then I think I will shoot you a text telling you how I feel and how I hope you feel the same back and that you haven’t moved on. But I never do, I never even type it out because I am so afraid of rejection from you gain, but I still can’t help but want you. Do you even have my number anymore? What if I send this whole message to you, and you reply with “Who is this?” That would kill me inside. I don’t know why I miss you so much. When you last texted me you said there was something wrong with you and that’s why you pushed me away. What I should have done was not reply, but the next day go up to you at school and just give you a hug, and tell you that we alll have our flaws, but we just have to either overcome them or find someone who will over look them. But maybe you would have pushed me away. Maybe you would have told me to leave you alone because I just didn’t understand. Maybe I don’t. I’m so sorry how we ended up. I wish every single damn day that somehow, some way we could salvage what we had and we could be a proper couple. But I don’t know if that’s what you want.
I still love you. Do you still love me?
Fuck work. I hate everybody there, and they obviously hate me too because they talk about me behind my back. Even my sister does it. I can’t stand anybody anymore. Can’t they just leave me alone?
I was told writing in a journal whenever I have a deep thought conversation with myself would help me figure things.
I’ve never hated myself more.
Can I be a full fledged boy yet?
Spilling my guts out because I don’t want to pay attention to the conversation happening around me.
The art of by http://www.wastedrita.com/
“It wasn’t the same without you.”
No. Just no. That is bullshit, because if you had wanted me there you wouldn’t have fucked me over. If you had wanted me there then you would have told me I could go with you when I broke down crying in front of you in the hallway.
You didn’t want me there. No one did.
